My Review of Vanity Fair



Maybe I’ve matured as a reader now but I think I haven’t enjoyed any classic as much as I did this one. It was thicker and longer than many a novel, but I enjoyed it the better for it. By the end, I understood why it was so long, the ending justified it. I was so daunted by its iconic title to read it before, but it was easier to read than most classics. The experience was complete, there wasn’t anything missing, it had everything and so so much more.

Published in 1847-1848, Vanity Fair is a Victorian satire and covers the English era during and after the Napoleonic Wars. The novel is about two women, totally opposite to each other, who after completing their education set out into the world. One an orphan, alone and friendless in the world except for her companion who is charming, witty, satirical, poised, manipulative, and striving to make her way into the world while the other, good-natured but passive and naïve, engaged from early childhood and belonging to a prosperous family. Thus the adventure begins, of love and loss, death and tragedy, trickery and deceit, innocence and naiveté, war and conflict.

Thackeray talks about British Raj of those times and the Battle of Waterloo which changes the course of the lives of the protagonists. The writing is rich with historical, Biblical, and literary allusions and references. The omniscient narration is most endearing.

The title of the novel, Vanity Fair, has been iconic to this day. Turns out it comes from John Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress, a Christian allegory published in 1678. The author explains his title again and again in the novel bringing its significance to light.

The author declares the heroine of the novel in the very beginning but subtitled his novel “A novel without a hero” which I don’t agree with, by the way. I recognized a hero in William Dobbin by the latter part of the novel.

Thackeray’s writing portrayed a realism unfound among the writers of his time. Thackeray discusses the human nature, explores the hypocrisy of society, and takes the curtain off the mysteries of life for a moment and lets us take a peek in.

The novel is about sticking to the idols we make, ourselves, of people we think we love but which are nothing like the reality, our need to believe in our ideals no matter how false they may be, the egotism and of course the vanity of the innocent and the cunning, the rich and the poor alike, the human infidelity, the brutal reality of being poor, human greed, of closing our eyes to what is right in front of us, the truth, the frailty of relations, of friendship and opportunism.

Thackeray shows us and believes that love triumphs in the end, but so does villainy, it doesn’t get retribution enough, but I had the underlying sense that depravity is a punishment in itself.

“All is vanity”. Ecclesiastes 1.2.


“The universe is beautiful,” He said.


This is love. 😍

arfa masihuddin

“The stars are beautiful,” she said.
“The moon is beautiful,” she said.
…she said…

Gazing up, I wonder
how wide is this Night and
how deep are the Stars.

Lub dub!
And I sit here, wistfully.
Will ever the night-sky be mine to share?

“Shush, let it be!”
And I feel infinity in that strange,
strange whisper.

Is there another you
on an another earth?

Living thy heart, thy soul.
A happy joy,
yearning for a home known, but unknown.

Angels and demons, again.
They do not hear, do not see.
It’s a war, again?

“The stars are beautiful,” he said.
“The moon is beautiful,” he said.
…he said…

Hope against hope,
time against time.
“Die before ye die!”

Huddled by the fire,
surrounded by stars –
the Quill and the Papyrus.

“Where is His Infinity?”
And they then glowed in the warmth of home.

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Not what I deserved but what I needed


Whatever I’m doing, you’re always there in the back of my mind, I can’t shake you away, I sometimes wish I had never loved you so much so I’d be spared the pain.

Sometimes, I just wish that I would meet someone and get whisked away off my feet into the sunset and never ever think of you again.

You moved on without me, and I’ve been stuck in the same place ever since, unable to move, standing right where I was left. I let myself be left but it hasn’t made it any easier.

I have had to say my goodbyes to my fair share of people. I gave up a lot of things because they weren’t right, it has made my life easier, better but I have set myself up for mass ostracization.

How did I know I was doing the right thing? It wasn’t easy, it hasn’t been and it won’t be.
Saying goodbye to you was almost the hardest thing I have ever done, and I have had to break it off with my first love, because you were my best friend and a really great one at that. I had taken you for granted forever, but, believe me, I didn’t anymore, how could I when I was the one being. And it still is hard on me, I miss you every day, there is a moment every day when I ache with loneliness, I feel a hole in my heart where you used to be, there’s just an empty shell left of you now, whether it’s the middle of the day or night. Sometimes I wake up having a dream of you only to forget it as soon as I wake up. Not a holiday goes by without me thinking of you.

You were already cutting me out of your life, what was I supposed to do. I could not stand to see it all go to ashes. Everything was leading up to it. I cared too much and you didn’t care enough, so I took all the blame. I became the good guy and the bad guy.

It continues to hurt me to date and I’ve learned to live with it. The worst part is does it even take you the 100th part of the struggle I have to go through every single time I think of you or even think about you? Does it even come to your mind, to think about me? It hurts, it hurts that I’m to you as I never was. I let you go, I have no right over you but you let me go a little too easily. How convenient it must have been for you.

Know that I haven’t forgotten you, I just keep it hidden very well. I feel you might not share my enthusiasm but for me, I didn’t stop being friends with you the day we stopped talking, in my heart of hearts you’re still the person you were to me, the person I knew you to be. I don’t know you now but I do know and remember that person.

If I can’t ever get you then loving you, probably is wrong.

I think I shouldn’t say anything to you until it’s right to. I think I have ruined it enough without me trying to do anything again.

Let’s just not say anything, let the rest of it survive, let the memories be good, for the most part.



In these hours of bone-shaking desolation, I find my only consolation/retreat in a book; HARD TIMES, Charles Dickens.

When you’re angry, depressed and helpless, a serious realistic book based on real events is the best therapy. (minus×minus=plus)

You know why I love books so much, seem to never get enough and always go back to them besides the obvious reason that they are so damn cool is that for the first time in my life I could forget all my problems, my flaws and all the wrong things in life when I sat down in a library to read a book for the very first time in my life. I found my bliss looking onto a relatable world that had hitherto been unknown to me. My walls melted away. It calmed and balmed my soul.

The more tattered a book is, the more it has been read and loved. <3

My Best Friend


Happy Birthday love of my life!
It’s been 9 years now Ma sha Allah and if it’s even possible, I fall more and more in love with you with every passing day.
Every day with you has been a blessing, it’s been one hell of a ride. I’ve been honored with growing up with you, growing pains and all.
We have what we have, even if people may not understand or approve, even it may not fit the standards of society, it might not be the best example of friendship or companionship, but who cares when you’ve got what we’ve got.
I don’t need somebody’s definition, it’s made me the happiest, it’s special and I’ll cherish it for life.
You’re one of the most important things in my life, my first inspiration, one of the things that keep me going, you color the canvas of my life,
You make me smile.
You are the best, no one compares to you.
You are my favorite person in the whole world
I can’t really express in words what I feel for you, I’m so glad I have you in my life, thank you for being a part of my life.
You’re my best bitch!
I love all your mood swings, how you tell me off and your silly little tantrums.
You’ve really helped me grow as a person, you bring out the best in me, you complete me.
I love you for all that you are even if sometimes my actions seem quite the opposite.
Being with you is the best thing there is, I wouldn’t know what to do without you.
I love you so much it pretty much inappropriate, not to mention unhealthy.
I love you like I love jalebi.
I can’t ever lose you, moon of my life!
The things I’d do for you!
May you have all you deserve and more, best of both worlds. The best of my wishes, prayers, and blessings are always with you. May each of your days be the happiest to come. May you have a healthy, blissful, happy fulfilling life. May you have many more very happy birthdays to come and we get to celebrate them together always and grow old together.

Empower yourself


What if I’m always so excited to talk louder, what if my plans and aspirations for MY life make me put off marriage, make people uncomfortable around me and make me not marriage material in their eyes, what if my plans take up all my day, what if I would rather read a book or watch something instead of doing house chores, what if I’d rather cook continental food, I just want to be happy and good, It’s like I like you even less than you like me, haha, it’s who I am and I’m simply not going to change just because you don’t approve.

What are you?


I miss you.
God, I suddenly miss him so much that I just wanna go and tell him. Send him a long, long message, telling him everything. Maybe hear his voice. Only, if I had his number. It’s better that I don’t anymore or I would be calling him at such times just to hear his voice, only to have him hang up on me and feeling foolish later.
But, then, there are so many things to consider. First, my vow to wait until these four years are over, until I’m in a good place, far enough to weigh my feelings for him. I can’t believe it’s been almost four years, time flew by me, really. About my feelings for him, I’m still not sure. It’s just, it sweeps me away, all of it. It’s like it flows in my veins, and I forget about it most of the time but then it’s there like it never left. I just know what is it.
Then there’s the thing that I don’t know this person, the person that he’s become. I’m not even sure if I knew the person he was anymore so do I really “love” him or the idea of him or the memory of us or just what I want/think him to be. I’m not even sure if this is love, I never really am. And I think if this is just a backlash of depression, like I just want to direct all my fears, all my worries, all my expectations onto a person and have him tote all my baggage. It could very possibly be. Because this is stupid. And the worst part is, he has no idea, none. I don’t even know what he thinks of me now or if he even thinks of me. The last time I talked to him, he said we used to be “good friends” like that wasn’t a dagger in the back. Was that a hint? This is just so messed up. It just feels like he’s a ghost lurking in the corners and I’m not ready to exorcise myself of him.
And the most important thing; I don’t really want all this right now. I have a career to build, to make something of myself, I can’t deal with relationships right now, especially not something like this. I’m not even done with myself. I can’t invest myself in such things, I won’t. I am just too important to myself, and no one, no one, can change it. I’m just not ready to jeopardize myself for a chance and I won’t. Nothing can get in the way of that.
So what do we do? We wait until it goes away or becomes something tangible, like we have, for the past three years.