6/17/2014

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You’ve become a stranger to me, nevertheless, I still try to find in you, the person I once knew. And it hurts you to see you moving on with your life while I’m still stuck in the past. You moved on and I’ve been left standing in the same place ever since.
I never knew I could fall for you. I never knew when you got under my skin and it became so damned hard to let go.
A part of me wants to let you know, be vulnerable to you while fighting with the part begging me to let you be your own person and not hurting you by going in and out of your life.
It’s not the right time, I know it. I’m not dragging you into this mess. I  can’t do that to you. You have to have a life. You have to live for yourself. You have to achieve your goals and realize your dreams your way. It has to be your decision to make.

I want

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I want knowledge,

lots of it,

but not the usual kind,

I want to read books,

all of them,

so much that I become a fountain,

brimming with bookish knowledge,

out in the open, for all the world to see,

shinning in the sun,

twinkling in the night.

I want my mind to jump on the stars,

dance on the moon,

sleep on the clouds,

float on the oceans,

and myself to be like the air,

though never seen,

but always felt.

borrowing a verse from one of my favorite songs,

“I want to live simply,”

read and re-read and re-re-read books,

write them,

write poetry,

feel the words,

running through my veins,

squeezing my heart,

overwhelming me.

I want not to be governed by the norms of the society,

nor men,

not even myself,

none but my dear Allah,

the one and only.

Love?

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It doesn’t even feel real anymore, it’s like I can never be in love like I had been once, consumed by the very idea of it.

It’s better to be really feeling those emotions rather than thinking that you’re feeling them.

You cannot be not vulnerable and love someone with all your might. We have to be vulnerable to feel the pain or pleasure which might be so real it scares us. Vulnerability is the key to opening our hearts, to let the pain in so that it may carve deep into our souls wounding us within. Only then will our hearts have the space for love which may penetrate so deep into our inner selves that it might heal our wounds so that we may feel it’s presence. Being so broken and yet so whole, that’s the beauty of it, love.

You know those moments when you see someone seeing themselves reflected in your eyes? The vulnerability the possibility offers you! You shun it, of course, too scared of what it could do to your shattered soul.

I believe you have to be broken enough and have a part of your whole missing to see this. And from what I have seen, there aren’t much whole people around.

I thought I saw thee seeing thyself reflected in my eyes.