If you’ll have me

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I’m here to pour out my heart to you, lay out my bare soul to pool at your feet and to give out to you all that I have to give. I want to share my world with you, intimately, passionately and unconditionally. I want my role in your life to be something that will touch the deepest crevices and nooks of your soul, calm your inner demons and bestow your darkest parts with the brightest of lights….If you’ll have me.

I Want the World 12/30/2013

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I want to climb mountains, swim the seas, watch the dolphins jump around in the water, sunbathe on the beach, kiss someone in the rain, make love on a deserted island, die in the arms of my soul mate, love passionately, soulfully, wholly, give my everything and to be loved back the same way, teach my six children to read, to love, to bake, to love life, to see them grow up to be more mature, intelligent, mellow and shrewd than I have ever been, to write books, to paint nature, to read everything, help people, be someone’s shoulder to rest on, become the best daughter, sister, mother, niece, cousin, friend, person, human that one can be, the best I can be, fulfill my purpose in life, give people something to remember, give and leave a part of me for the world to see, dwell, experience and remember, be the light of someone’s eyes, beat of someone’s heart, music to someone’s soul and the melody to someone’s song. I want to flow in the veins of someone. I want to love and be loved by everyone, be everyone’s friend, be everything to someone, give out my soul to the world and lay my heart out on its feet. I want to be someone people will look up to, cherish, love, seek help, comfort and advice. I don’t want to run away. I don’t want to be alone. I want to die surrounded by the people I love. I want those people to let me go, willingly, happily, and I, them. I don’t want to be someone’s source of grief and suffering. I want to be the balm to everyone’s wounds. I want to be the reason for happiness, be it anyone. I don’t want to judge. I want to live! I want life to run in my veins!

So, no, this is not the time to grieve, there is a time for everything, and this time, it’s the one to celebrate, it’s the one to close the last chapter and begin a new one. It’s the time to rejoice, even the pain and suffering, because it is what makes you feel alive and makes every breath, every moment count. All the things in the world, all the powers, and all that there is to bring about everything has conspired and engineered to bring about this moment, So, the question is; “WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THIS MOMENT?”

BOOKS!

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In these hours of bone-shaking desolation, I find my only consolation/retreat in a book; HARD TIMES, Charles Dickens

You know why I love books so much, seem to never get enough and always go back to them besides the obvious reason that they are so damn cool is that for the first time in my life I could forget all my problems, my flaws and all the wrong things in life when I sat down in a library to read a book for the very first time in my life. I found my bliss looking onto a relatable world that had hitherto been unknown to me. My walls melted away. It calmed and balmed my soul.

The more tattered a book is, the more it has been read and loved. <3
#areader’sperspective

My Best Friend

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Happy Birthday love of my life!
It’s been 9 years now Ma sha Allah and if it’s even possible, I fall more and more in love with you with every passing day.
Every day with you has been a blessing, it’s been one hell of a ride. I’ve been honored with growing up with you, growing pains and all
We have what we have, even if people may not understand or approve, even it may not fit the standards of society, it might not be the best example of friendship or companionship, but who cares when you’ve got what we’ve got
I don’t need somebody’s definition, it’s made me the happiest , it’s special and I’ll cherish it for life.
You’re one of the most important things in my life, my first inspiration, one of the things that keep me going, you color the canvas of my life,
You make me smile. :))
You are the best, no one compares to you.
You are my favorite person in the whole world
I can’t really express in words what I feel for you, I’m so glad I have you in my life, thank you for being a part of my life.
You’re my best bitch
I love all your mood swings, how you tell me off and your silly little tantrums.
You’ve really helped me grow as a person, you bring out the best in me, you complete me. :’)
I love you for all that you are even if sometimes my actions seem quite the opposite.
Being with you is the best thing there is, I wouldn’t know what to do without you. :’)
I love you so much it pretty much inappropriate, not to mention unhealthy.
I love you like I love jalebi. 😁
I can’t ever lose you, moon of my life!
The things I’d do for you!
May you have all you deserve and more, best of both worlds. The best of my wishes, prayers and blessings are always with you. May each of your days be the happiest to come. May you have a healthy, blissful, happy fulfilling life. May you have many more very happy birthdays to come and we get to celebrate them together always and grow old together.  
xoxo
#youandI

Empower yourself

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What if I’m always so excited to talk louder, what if my plans and aspirations for MY life make me put off marriage and make people uncomfortable around me and make me not marriage material in their eyes, what if my plans take up all my day, what if I would rather read a book or watch something instead of doing house chores, what if I’d rather cook continental food, I just want to be happy and good, It’s like I like you even less than you like me, haha, it’s who I am and I’m simply not going to change just because you don’t approve.

What are you?

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I miss you.
God, I suddenly miss him so much that I just wanna go and tell him. Send him a long, long message, telling him everything. Maybe hear his voice. Only, if I had his number. It’s better that I don’t anymore or I would be calling him at such times just to hear his voice, only to have him hang up on me and feeling foolish later.
But, then, there are so many things to consider. First, my vow to wait until these four years are over, until I’m in a good place, far enough to weigh my feelings for him. I can’t believe it’s been almost four years, time flew by me, really. About my feelings for him, I’m still not sure. It’s just, it sweeps me away, all of it. It’s like it flows in my veins, and I forget about it most of the time but then it’s there like it never left. I just know what is it.
Then there’s the thing that I don’t know this person, the person that he’s become. I’m not even sure if I knew the person he was anymore so do I really “love” him or the idea of him or the memory of us or just what I want/think him to be. I’m not even sure if this is love, I never really am. And I think if this is just a backlash of depression, like I just want to direct all my fears, all my worries, all my expectations onto a person and have him tote all my baggage. It could very possibly be. Because this is stupid. And the worst part is, he has no idea, none. I don’t even know what he thinks of me now or if he even thinks of me. The last time I talked to him, he said we used to be “good friends” like that wasn’t a dagger in the back. Was that a hint? This is just so messed up. It just feels like he’s a ghost lurking in the corners and I’m not ready to exorcise myself of him.
And the most important thing; I don’t really want all this right now. I have a career to build, to make something of myself, I can’t deal with relationships right now, especially not something like this. I’m not even done with myself. I can’t invest myself in such things, I won’t. I am just too important to myself, and no one, no one, can change it. I’m just not ready to jeopardize myself for a chance and I won’t. Nothing can get in the way of that.
So what do we do? We wait until it goes away or becomes something tangible, like we have, for the past three years.

WHY LOVE PAKISTAN?

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Why love Pakistan? umm…I think if you’re a true-born Pakistani you never had to ask yourself this question. Nevertheless today, I’m on the hunt for the reasons why I love Pakistan, why you love Pakistan, if not, then all the reasons that makes Pakistan all the more lovable to the next Pakistani.

Let’s start by why I love Pakistan as much as I do. Well, I, for one, love Pakistan for the fact that I was born into this beautiful aromatic soil and raised in its vicissitudes. I’m a part of this soil, thus it calls me onto it. Pakistan has given me my identity, it’s who I am. How can somebody breathe in and feel all this and not be in love?

It’s true that I have never been away from my country but such moments have come and gone when I had to think about going away, and not once have I felt my heart not aching or longing. Pakistan is where my family is, where my ancestors were born, raised, spent their lives and were buried, it is where I wish to be buried. It is my life and how does one walk away from his life?

All my life, all my memories, my people are in Pakistan. It has given me everything I have. It’s not just emotional but also logical to love something that is your everything. Doesn’t every one of us, Pakistanis, ought to be grateful for all that it has been to us? A mother, a father, a patron, a benefactor, a home, guardian, shelter, and what not. I believe that almost every one of us, at some level, has some respect if not love for our motherland.